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Trailing Family

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Don’t underestimate the physical toll moving can take. Lockhart says it’s easy to slip into doing “one more thing, then one more thing, and before you know it, it’s 1:00 in the morning.” Pace yourself as you plan and pack and make self-care a priority. As tempting as it may be to grab fast food on the run, try not to slip into unhealthy eating habits while you’re moving. Get enough sleep, take stretch breaks, and breathe.

Whether you’re moving yourself or hiring professionals, make sure you have what you need to function for the first 24 hours in your new home. Clearly label one or two boxes “Unpack First” and don’t let them get lost in the moving shuffle. In these boxes you’ll be happy you have the following: a change of clothes, medications, sheets, pillows, towels, alarm clock, telephone, coffee pot and coffee, paper plates and cups, a roll of paper towels, all-purpose cleaning supplies and rags, trash bags, toilet paper, personal care items, bottled water, snacks, pet food/dish, a small lamp, and if you have children, a few toys or games they can play anywhere.

Getting connected

Establishing connections in a new city can be more challenging than you might imagine, but it’s worth the effort. “Socially, I think moving to a new place with children is easier,” says Inge Miller. She and David have made friends with other parents at their daughter’s pre-school as well as with a young couple in their apartment complex. “They just had their first baby and he’s from the Midwest,” says Inge, explaining their common interests.

David and Inge also made a conscious decision to take full advantage of their two-year stay on the West Coast. “We try not to let a weekend pass without doing something,” says Inge. The family spends time at the beach and riding their bikes. They’ve driven up the coast to Santa Barbara and wine country, toured the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena, and have taken the children to Disneyland and Lego Land.

Breast surgeon Robin Skrine, MD, moved with her two daughters from Pennsylvania, where she’d practiced for 10 years, to Waco, Texas in 2006. Her husband stayed behind temporarily to sell their house. Skrine says the family has adjusted nicely, in part because they share the values of the people in the area and they have discovered Waco to be a friendly community. “We found a church and made friends there,” says Skrine. “My real estate agent became a friend and has introduced me to people.” On the ability to connect socially, Skrine says that it’s important to know yourself, know your family, know what you’re looking for, and go to an area that will be a good fit. “That’s really what made a difference for us. We fit in here,” she says.

Chris and DeAnna Hanosh had honeymooned in the Durango area and had a few friends and family members nearby. Once they made the move to the area, DeAnna became involved with the local family center where she met other young mothers. “Having a physician as a husband, you do spend a lot of time by yourself with your children, so you need to find that bond with other women and create a foundation for your children,” says DeAnna.

No matter how quickly you get settled into your new abode, it still takes a while to feel at home in a new community. David Miller recommends patience. “It takes at least six months until you really start feeling like a place is home. When I got to stop thinking about the route I was taking home . . . not until that time did I starting seeing the great things about where I live,” he says. “The first six months are just getting your feet on the ground and not feeling like the ‘new person.’”

For all the stress and anxiety that relocating can cause, it also creates an opening to change your activities, your routine, and even your point of view. “Moving can be very liberating,” says Lockhart. “It gives you the opportunity to get out of a rut.” If there is something you’ve always wanted to try or get involved in, as soon as you’re semi-settled, get out and explore. Join a tennis league or hiking group to meet new people. Volunteer at your children’s school or at the local animal shelter. Become a member of a networking group or book club. Find something that suits you, something that will energize and restore you after the rigors of moving. One caveat, however: Be selective about saying yes. It’s easy to become overcommitted when you’re the new person on the block.

Consider the children

Just as every move is different, every child is unique in how they’ll respond to relocating. Some children take it in stride, others view moving as an adventure, and some go kicking and screaming. Parents can make moving easier on children of all ages by talking to them. Seattle child psychologist Doni Kwak, PhD encourages parents to share details of the move with children as soon as those details are known. “More information decreases anxiety,” says Kwak. “The idea is to prepare the children, taking into account their developmental age.”

Dawn Northup, with West USA Realty in Scottsdale, Arizona, suggests that physician families with children consider moving as early in the summer as possible. This, says Northup, allows time for the little ones to get involved in summer school or recreational programs and meet children their own age before the first day of school.

Once you’ve committed to a new job, a visit to the community with children in tow prior to the actual move can relieve a lot of anxiety. Northup recommends taking children to visit their new school at some point during the school year prior to a summer move. This lets them begin to anticipate what it will be like. It’s hard for kids to think outside their little community,” says Northup. “Get them excited about moving somewhere new, make it an adventure.” If you can’t visit the new community, at a minimum, take photographs of their new house, school, nearby parks, and other child-friendly amenities.

If a child or teenager appears anxious before, during, or after the move, parents would be well advised to try to find out exactly what the youngster is feeling. “They may be angry,” says Kwak, “possibly at you.” If you have an idea of what a child’s feelings are—anxiety, fear, anger, dread—you have something to work with should they withdraw, regress, or act out. Let the children have their feelings, “but keep the rules and values you’ve always kept,” says Kwak. “They need routine and predictability, especially when they’re under stress. During a transitional time, children need even more structure.”

Children are flexible and most will adapt in due time to their new home, neighborhood, and school. That doesn’t mean, however, that saying goodbye to old friends and familiar surroundings is easy on them. Kwak suggests engaging children in a positive transitional activity such as making a DVD of their old neighborhood, helping them make their own address book so they can keep in touch with friends, or collecting a box of keepsakes to take with them.

If your children don’t settle into their new surroundings, establish a routine, and connect with peers within a reasonable time, they may require professional support to help them cope. But Kwak says parents should remember that negative behavior exhibited by children during the course of a move is probably temporary and will likely pass. “Assuming you had a good family life before the move, it will get back to that point. If there were stressors present that weren’t dealt with, then a move could exacerbate things,” says Kwak.

Attitude and perspective

Moving is no picnic in the park, but it doesn’t have to be a traumatic event. You’ll be tired, but you don’t have to experience debilitating fatigue. You’ll be overwhelmed occasionally (okay, a good deal of the time), but you don’t have to slip into a full-blown emotional meltdown. Be kind to yourself throughout the moving process. Be gentle with your children. Cut your spouse—and yourself—some extra slack. You’ll survive moving by maintaining a positive attitude, laughing at all the little glitches that will surely occur, and keeping things in perspective. END

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Karen Childress is a free-lance writer who lives outside Cortez, Colorado.